Glass

I look through the glass of a monitor and see your face
As if I was looking through a looking glass of time and space
I touch the glass and cannot feel the warmth of your gaze
I try to reach through it and I'm stopped by the infinite
width of an inch and I will never feel your perfect lips on mine again

I tilt this glass back and taste the bitter tang of a liquid memory undone
I laugh and choke a little at all the things I've become
My friends and I pine the night away drinking till we're sick
sick of being sick of an illness called love, and we talk
They may try to get into my mind and find inside what makes me tick
but the fog on my glasses is too thick for them to see the soul in my eyes

I look at myself through the glass of a mirror
and I wonder at myself aloud "why am I here?"
"Why can't she hear me? what am I doing here?"
I blink and myself blinks back
and when I reach to wipe away the drops of agony
and my doppleganger's fears of things from yesterday
I touch the glass and his own fingers get in the way

I throw the picture I held of you against the floor
and the glass shatters and allows air to touch a moment of you
but as I touch what once was a negative and is now your face
I feel the plastic indifferent of my disgrace
and I pick up the pieces of the glass that held you dear
as I remember against my chest I held you near

I look through the glass of my window and see the world outside
and I try to confide in this letter my insides but they writhe
and my tithe never seems to be enough for that guy in the sky
and I can't see him even with a telescope but I hold onto
the thought that he's there and that he cares.

as I step back away from the window
I step on glass shattered from your picture
and glass from the shells of shots I once took
and I wonder if I had taken a different shot things would be different for us and I wonder.
I wander as my feet still bleed and they leave behind unwilling footprints on the ground
so you can always find me, across the grass where we once stood
and kissed under the stars. To that place where I didn't
need a telescope to see my universe, no ball of glass
to see my future inside the perfect glass ovals that were your eyes
and as tears leave my own I stand in this grass we once stood in
and I reach for the stars I could never reach before
and I dream of dreams galore and when I achieve them I will look back
I will look back through my life to a moment where all that mattered
was that I was holding your hand as you held my heart and you laughed.