What it means to feel

???

The sensation of having nothing in your heart and stomach is somewhat terrifying, somewhat painful. I hope that I never feel it again, yet it still reoccurs, even now. I have to finish some homework, and then I might write more later.

Edit

Sadly, it feels like it may be time to start letting go of everything. That means mostly like, letting go of people and old hopes and stuff. Not everyone, I couldn't bear that, but things like the band. Things like dancing in the middle of fifth avenue at two in the morning. Or letting go of people after a fight is over. If they want to go, then I won't stop them; because they can't stop me, and won't. I don't have an appetite tonight. Not even for junk food. I'm just waiting until I have to sleep and then I'm going to go and let go of today.

The weather was nice for a change; I went to soldiers and sailors and lied down in the grass, and watched the sky. It was the last good thing I did today. I finished all the work I had to do, and now all I have left is to write this for routine's sake and to go to sleep. No one is meant to be the one to pull me out of a bad mood. it has to be my job from now, to pick up my pieces and become self-sufficient and learn how to live with myself. I am not going out without a fight.

End Post