Naked Pictures

???

Do u has? Please mail to this address

The New Clark Building

717 Liberty Avenue, 9th Floor

Pittsburgh, PA 15222

I hope that things get better. For some reason people keep abusing my trust and heart and junk. I'm not very happy about this. I didn't get to check my weight today or work out. I'm at home, waiting for tomorrow to happen. girlfriend never called back like she said she would. Whatever. Watched some of Battlestar Gallactica. I don't want to ever be as bitter a writer as the people who write that show. They're like emo bastards.

Apparently calling someone at 8:00 am is absurd and you should be punished for such a nasty bit of work. I got an interesting email, and I practiced pretending to be a different person today. It's a strange world, I think. 38% battery remaining. Shoop da fucking whoop. I forgot my charger at my dorm. I feel spectacular. I may not be able to post tomorrow, but hopefully I'll find anothe PC on which to do so. I need some sort of hope, some blinding white light that is like "hey asshole look things are gonna be okay."

but that junk never happens. no one's bought any clothing item from my store yet, unfortunately. I'm sad about this a little, but its hardly been any time at all since it opened. I'll find someone who can fit into the role of customer someday.

Also, I love a lot of people.

End Post

Robotics Today

222

I'm pissed.

Okay no robotics today. robotics tomorrow.

I can't put up with emotional rollercoasters anymore. I'm really at the point where with one fuck up, I won't call you anymore. I can't deal with how it makes me feel, especially with all the work I have to do and all the things that I can't do because of that work. I sat up last night for two hours unable to do a damned piece of work because I was miserable. And because of that I was more miserable. I want to get good grades and grow and get to where I want ot be. Staying up miserable is not how I am going to do that.

On a lighter note, it snowed like crazy today. My shoes have no traction so any uphill walking took twice as many steps. It was kind of gay. I don't even have anything happy to write about. I can't think of one god damned thing. I'll post later.


Later.

I talked to Larry Long today, an old friend from my first japanese act class. It was nice, very laid back. Larry's a really good guy. I want to film stuff again. namely building a snowman and then cutting it in half with my katana. I think that's the best way to deal with stress. Cutting snowmen in half. with katana's. That'd be sweet. real sweet. I walked and ran for 50 minutes today, and got about 4.17 miles or so. I am doing better than I have been. Its getting easier daily to keep going, and I'm glad. I hope I can always keep going. I need to so I can feel good about myself. However, I feel like I look fatter. how does that work?

Maybe I've really lost more than two pounds, but it doesn't seem that way because I'm retaining more water. or something. I think if I got down to around 175 or so I'd look really good. but I don't know what percentage of my me is fat and muscle and bone and junk. I want to be able to swim and think "people don't look away when they see my naked chest." Swimming was always nice for me, but as I do more walking and running I think I'm enjoying it a lot more than I did in the past. It may be because I'm no longer calcium deficient and because of this, my calves aren't cramping after five minutes of exercise. It's really nice to know that.

I need a release. I'm gonna play guitar.

End Post

Weight Loss

224
This space is forever reserved for my keeping track of my weight.

I gained some since I started working out, but I figured that would happen. Anyways, I'm going to hang out with Chad for a bit tonight. I talked to beans earlier and he seems to be really enjoying the blogging. I'm glad I could do something to help him out, and I do hope it truly helps. The power went out in the building several times today. by the building I mean only my half of my floor of lothrop. What luck, right?

Anyways, I'm sick in the head because I watched all of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1dvSlvZLG8

Also, I need to finish getting dressed. I may write more when I get back.

End Post

Edit:

mom06boys1girl: ok. if possible, we'll try to get those couple of things that you need as well.
me: alright, that'd be really wonderful mom
mom06boys1girl: are you ok?
me: yeah i just don I don't know how to say stuff on the internet without it coming across as sarcastic but I mean it
mom06boys1girl: you didn't sound sarcastic you haven't sounded sarcastic lately. that's what's worrying me.
me: lol

Ate a crappy dinner. Bought some goods in case I get holed in any time soon. The essentials: a hoagie. That's it I guess. Maybe along with my list of things I should be doing daily I should include homework. I rarely do that regularly when I know very well that I should and that I have to in order to get where I want to go. I think I'll do it tonight, at least some of it. Maybe if I start doing things all way early I'd feel better about life. I dunno. Maybe, maybe maybe maybe. I fucking hate the internet sometimes, and I love it sometimes. It can make you happy and it can make you miserable and alone and sad and fat and stupid.

Apparently emotional moodswings excuse you from all of your actions that may or may not occur during them. There is no such thing as strength and willpower and perseverance or any of that bullshit. I'm just venting. I've had a bad night and I don't know how to feel better right now. Hope things are better in the morning.

End Post. (For realio)

Routine

No one's gonna take me alive,
We've all gotta fight to survive.

So the hard thing about all this is that routine has been my lifelong nemesis. The one enemy that I could never defeat and asymilate. How am I supposed to do all the things that make normal people health and sane and clean if I can't get into routine? I think I found a semi-solution to it. it's this blog.

Normally I'd spend hours doing nothing on the computer, things that don't mean anything, things that I can't look back on. I went for a walk last night in the snow, and ended up in this open field near the Cathedral of Learning and Heinz Chapel, completely alone and said to myself "Well now that I'm out here, all of the other people are inside doing nothing on their computers."

Wtf.

Well realizing this, and that writing this blog is productive and using the internet, I've found it can also be a way to remind me to do routine-esque things. Like working out. Judo yesterday, weightlifting and walking today, walking tomorrow, something different friday. Right? It'll be good. Three active days in a row is something I've never been able to accomplish. Ever. Even when I was on the track team; being nutrient deficient made constant muscle strain impossible. I think that I really want to make a difference in the world.

The best way to do that is to change me. be the change you want to see in the world. All that stuff. I hope I can make myself proud.

End Post

Socks and underpants

are all that I'm wearing. Fun right?

So I decided to give in to my impulses, and alas, I am going to go out in the snow, late at night and play guitar. I think I should plan to do this frequently. Anyways, I don't really know what to write about. I love judo, but I hated my partner this time. he was rotund, and impossible to throw, as well as a wrestler of four years. So when it came to pinning techniques, he had the obvious advantages. I however managed to beat him 3 times and then get punched in the eye and sat out the rest of the class. I enjoy being physical, but somethign is impeding me, I don't know what. I need to grow, and to get stronger. To look better.

I'm calling beans right now, to see if he's doing okay. I really want that guy to have a good life, being one of my readers is just a bonus. He's been through a lot, and I want him to see the good side of the world, instead of just the painful sad stuff. I love this weather god damnit. I love this kind of snow and bad traffic and car accidents and I really just want to go out and set things on fire and get hyper from something or another and just enjoy where I am.

but there's no one to do that with. It's not very fair. I'm finally ready to feel good again and there's no one around to share it. I guess I'll have to find my own way, like always. Maybe there's something out there for me, something or someone who will be out having a random lonely time and we'll enjoy it together, and be friends. I'm gonna stop typing before I become too tired to go.

End Post

A long night

Yes, it has been.

watched the texas chainsaw massacre, 1974 version. pretty silly, cheesy, dumb, boring. Gory. Anyways, what tonight's ranting is about is about very little. I'm tired and I want to sleep.

I want to see the world.

I want to stop seeing things.

End post

Another Long Day

I've had a long day. The title makes that extra obvious. W00t. Or not w00t. I want to make a difference in the world. that is what's most clear to me right now and what is very obviously what I need to do to be happy. I have a feeling that attempting this, or trying to find ways to do this may hurt the people around me in some ways.

I want to adventure.

I decided to help the city high robotics team this year, and as soon as I get the email back from any of the three teachers in charge, I'll be able to participate. There's a lot of good things that came out of robotics, and a lot of bad. But the most memorable for me was when I drove the team robot, and smashed the hell out of Gateway Senior High School's robot. It was like absolute perfect non-violent revenge. They placed 32nd out of 36. I laugh every time I think about it.

I think when I settle down that I want a dog. Or a cat, or both. I want to have a pet that is really mine, that really likes me for me and not my mom or my siblings or my spouse or whatever. Like my pal. I kinda had one as a kid: Indie. he was the coolest collie ever. After one day of petting him to sleep and lying on the living room floor with him, he'd run out to me first and hug me with his big dog side and lick my hand and run and play and and and everything. It was really great. I'll never forget that dog, and I'm sad that he's gone. I wish that I had been there to bury him, but I wasn't. I regret that.

I talked to an old friend tonight. Toledo Girl. I don't know if she'll ever read this, but I'd like to say thank you for everything. You've really helped me as a person.

Is it strange that I enjoy the idea of throwing people as well as being thrown? Judo may be my favorite class at pitt. I want to get in shape, desperately. I want to lose all this stupid extra weight and fat and then tone my muscles and look good and feel good about how I look to myself. If I can do that I'll feel a lot better. I know I will.

Sarah drew me this awesomely awesome poster. Super awesome. check it out.

Awesome right? I really like it. She spent like a crapton of time on it. My girlfriend is super cool too. she beat fable recently. i'm very very proud of her. :-)

I think that I'm coming to the end of this rant. So until next time:

End Post.

Race

I came home last night, to my original home I mean. With my family and my parents and everything and I set up my computer this morning and I worked on opening my online shop for Theomach. You can buy anything that you need with my logo on it now, and provide me with some sort of living!

these things include Shirts! More Shirts! Short Sleeve Shirts! Long Sleeve Shirts! maternity shirts, v-necks, larger shirts, form fitting shirts, black shirts, white shirts shirts shirts shirts shirts and hats. Also clocks, and even boxers. And one that I still laugh at, hours after it stopped being funny:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Thoethong! And yes, on the back part of the thong there is a miniscule image of a narwhal sillohuette.

So if you're interested, head on over there and purchase some. Or tons, I'll blog more often, I promise.


I remember as a kid I fell in love with spaghetti. It was the most fun to eat, especially when you were a dinosaur.
"Mom, I don't want silverware, I have razor teeth," I'd say. That never went well.
Today, Josh and Jake stopped by, since I'm at home. We spent most of the time talking and I showed them the store and all the work I have done for Theomach. It was a nice time talking with them, as it always is. What I am very glad of is what Josh said to me before leaving. He said that he thought it was worthwhile, and that the music and iconography would sell. I finally have someone who really believes in the cause; now just to make it go faster.
I plan on releasing a Theomach Demo CD soon.

I think I'm enjoying this blogging thing. Just sitting down and typing away rapidly, feeling like I actually have something to say at last, its refreshing. Maybe I'll write some more stuff for my book, maybe I'll never write any more to it at all. At any rate, I want to continue this; its somewhat therapeutic. Today I don't feel as bitter about our President. yes, I admit he's our President. I really hope he does a good job of not letting down all of america, but it seems inevitable. May God's will be with him, and his assistance guide him.
And to the big man up there, I beseech you; please help. We want to be good again, not only as a nation but as a people and with morals and friendship and strength and everything.

I watched Be Kind Rewind today, which I hated. At least the first twenty minutes of. I really don't like jack black, and that's what made me dislike it so much. but as it kept going, it got much better and had a really spectacular ending. while I may refuse to attribute any of it to Jack Black, he still did a good portion of character development, and as an actor he's come a longer way than he has been.
I leave you, readers, with a question, something i've been dwelling on.

What is it, that keeps us going? What makes our lives worth living?

I hope I do something in this world to make a difference, not only in the lives of the people I care about, but in the lives of people I don't know, on the face of the planet. I want to fix the world, to make things right.

End Post

Disregard that.

I bullshitted a poem for my creative writing class. It was due the day I wrote it, in fact; I wrote mine while other people were reading theirs out loud, and to cover up for it, I read mine out loud. It was a poem about my body. mostly about how I don't like it, and how it doesn't like me, but that's okay. I think.



I'm sick of not writing, so I started this blog, so I can talk to myself in public. That way, I know I'm writing something, I know that I will eventually write all the things I need to write and want to write. I want to rewrite my damn book, then to publish it, and to publish two more and be done with that story. After that I want to write more stuff.



Aside from writing, I want to have a successful band, and I want to travel and see the world and I want to make movies and get in shape and be happier and find a home and get married and a whole lot of stuff. The problem with all of this is that its all too fucking much. Every sentence in this damn post has the word "I" in it. And don't go back and find one that doesn't, because I'm just guessing that its that way, and it makes me feel arrogant. So whatever.



No one will read this anyways, but me.



I finished reading "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" by Philip K. Dick. Its the book that inspired the movie Blade Runner. cool right? there were parallels but I liked the book better, it had a different plot and environment, more post apocalyptic feeling rather than film noir. I like the first better.



I'm looking for a bassist. And a drummer, to play in my heavy metal band, Theomach. We rock. I guess, or we break shit. I like our sound, I like where it can go but i just want it to go there. If you're interested, message me or something. Really.



So inspired by 4chan and some frustration at the brainwashed members of college society, I rebelled against this atrocity. Well its not that bad, but anyways; Someone put obama's entire inaugural speech on the floor's bulliten board. Gay. Weird how it turned out, with text added to the end.



So I leave you with this wonderful picture, and hope that soon I find more inspiration to write. If you read this, please comment, I need some sort of hope.

End Post